Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
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