new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
Randomize
