i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
Randomize
