...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
I wasn't excited about it either, but if I was going to have her take a load on her face, role playing as some french dude is the least I could do
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
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