I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
ok first of all what the fuck
Randomize
