just saw a prosititute with a baby stroller...question is...if the baby wakes up is the blow job free?
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
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then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
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I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
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