We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
