cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
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