god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
