i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
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