Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
Randomize