So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Randomize
