Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
