Just did shrooms. Don't feel shit! Wsasted 40 bucks on this! Nothing's happenig except for this little gnome on my shoulder and the couch is melting. Fuckin waste of money.
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
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