You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
Randomize
