I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
Randomize
