you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
Randomize
