Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
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