your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
i just google imaged poop.
i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
Randomize
