he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
Randomize
