I painted my nails silver
And what are the implications of that?
Is there supposed to be a msg in that? Just thought ud like to know it looks like I fingerbanged an alien
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
This baby is an asshole
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize
