Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
Randomize
