don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
i think i just naturally attract stoners
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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