I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
Randomize
