its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
Randomize
