You're my favorite asian/girl I've met here.
You're ridiculous
Your hot
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
Randomize
