There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
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