He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
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