i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
Randomize
