It was still light ouot when we were walking up Pier Ave and she kept asking if she could suck my nipples.
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
I just want nice things and good sex
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
Randomize
