think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
Randomize
