the new term for farting is butt boxing.
Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
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