Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
Having never done that before, When should one expect the horrible shame to end? Days, months, ever?
A week or so, depending on size. In your case, maybe give it a month.
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
