You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
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