Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
Randomize
