Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
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