you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
Randomize
