I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
Randomize
