I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
Randomize
