it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
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