Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
Randomize
