Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
1 stripper is 160/hr. 2 strippers is 280/hr. it would be fiscaly irresponsible to only get one.
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
Randomize
