It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
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