cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
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