I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
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