another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
Randomize
