and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
Randomize
