no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
Randomize
