bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
Randomize
