I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
Randomize
