He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
Randomize
