i need an iv and a liver transplant
Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
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