This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
Randomize
