I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
