I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
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