This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
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