my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
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