At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
She actually asked me 'is it in yet?' I deleted the vid.
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
Randomize
