you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
Randomize
