I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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