Joe is yelling at the trees again.
My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
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