If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
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