I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
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