I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
Randomize
