Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
Randomize
