I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
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