based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
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